Well, it’s happened. Kim Sori has somehow managed to release one of the best and worst music videos of the year with the irritatingly titled “B.I.K.I.N.I”
It would have to be Kim Sori. The woman is what basically what happens when you take Lee Hyori, strip her of any mystique and reverence, and never let her grow beyond 2003. While this may sound like a criticism, it’s really not. Given the right production, Sori’s lack of vocal talent can be hidden or compensated for by a good beat. “Dual Life” was a pretty good single that skated by on a simple Euro-dance beat and the other thing that makes Sori imminently watchable:
Unfortunately, “B.I.K.I.N.I” tests the limits of Kim Sori’s appeal. It pushes Sori, all her talents and shortcomings, to the fore leaving behind a music video that is equally easy on the eyes and an abomination to the ears.
The song. Good god, the song. There’s so much going wrong here it’s hard to know where to start. The minimalist dance beat is totally wrong for Sori. It stays at one level, with the low grinding electronic beat marching along with all the joy of an internment camp. The synths that work above that hit the middle register, but nothing really aims for high which is a huge problem when working with Sori because the girl herself really only has one register when it comes to singing. The production tries to circumvent this shortcoming by having Sori do a cheerleader rapping voice for half the song and having a chorus of “beep beeps” and people chanting “BEE-EYE-KAY-EYE-EHN-EYE” incessantly. It may violate the Geneva Conventions. The line “itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini” could be the worst words ever put to paper depending on how one feels about “Mein Kampf”. “B.I.K.I.N.I” isn’t so much a song as much as it is an ordeal.
The video does its best to make up for subjecting the listener to Kim Sori’s Kid Beatz rapping by showcasing Sori at her best, which pretty much means just showing her prance around in an actual bikini. While this won’t earn huge marks for originality, at least they picked a good performer and got the actual timing right to release a song dedicated to women’s beachwear. I could go on about the editing (unimaginative), sets (bonus points for doing this outdoors), choreography (non-existent unless bouncing up and down is a dance) or Sori’s styling (no complaints). But really, all one needs to know about “B.I.K.I.N.I” is this:
How does one rate a music video with a song so awful and eye candy so good? Listening to “B.I.K.I.N.I” by itself makes one want to imagine various ways to either kill oneself or subject one’s worst enemies to it. Watching it (muted) makes one want to celebrate the miracle of humanity and two pieces. Listening and watching “B.I.K.I.N.I” at the same time is sort of like eating a tub of ice cream while watching a romantic comedy. You know its awful, cheap and manipulative but the various parts of the lizard brain eat that shit up like a drug. That is Kim Sori and “B.I.K.I.N.I”. She is the manifestation of the primal “hnnnnnggggg” that still manages to fight musical taste to a stand still.
Rating: Somehow the culmination of everything wonderful and awful on the planet.