So, “Asian Girlz” is the Worst Music Video Ever Made, Ever

Asian-Girlz

I had debated doing a post on this for a couple reasons. The first is that it falls a tad bit outside the purview of this blog. The second is, why give these idiots more exposure, except to hopefully run their no-name band into oblivion.

However, there could be something worth discussing here, amid this unfunny train wreck of Yellow Fever and cultural fetishism.

Warning: I’ve probably watched the first 20 seconds of this 20 times and was able to get through the whole thing once:

And here are the priceless lyrics to this masterpiece:

Asian girl, She’s my Asian girl
You’re my Asian girl, You’re my Asian girl
You’re my Asian girl, She’s my Asian girl
Yes, my Asian girl, You’re my Asian girl

I love your sticky rice
Butt fucking all night
Korean barbecue
Bitch I love you
I love your creamy yellow thighs
Ooh you’re slanted eyes
It’s the Year of the Dragon
Ninja pussy I’m stabbin’

Asian girl, You’re’s my Asian girl
You’re my Asian girl, She’s my Asian girl
You’re my Asian girl, She’s my Asian girl
Yes, my Asian girl, You’re my Asian girl

Superstitious feng shui shit (what)
Now lay your hair by the toilet
I’ve got your green tea boba
So put your head on my shoulder
Your momma’s so pretty
Best nails in the city
Pushing your daddy’s Mercedes

Asian girl, She’s my Asian girl
You’re my Asian girl, You’re my Asian girl
You’re my Asian girl, She’s my Asian girl
Yes, my Asian girl, You’re my asian girl

New Year’s in February (February?)
That’s fine with me (I guess)
Yeah, shark soup (What? Fuck it, we’ll eat it)
Oh, tradition, tradition, tradition, yeah yeah
Baby, you’re my Asian girl
You’re legally (best kind)
So baby marry me
Come on sit on my lap (right here baby)
Or we’ll send you back
And you age so well
I can barely tell
17 or 23?
Baby doesn’t matter to me

Asian girl, She’s my Asian girl
You’re my Asian girl, You’re my Asian girl
You’re my Asian girl, She’s my Asian girl
Yes, my Asian girl, You’re my asian girl

Arcadia
J-Town
Alhambra
K-Town
Temple City
Don’t forget Chinatown
Get down
Happy endings all over
Bruce Lee
Toyota
Spicy tuny
Sashimi
Tasty Garden
Fried Lice
Sailor Moon
Wonton soup
Spring roll
Tibet
Foot rub rub a down down down
Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra
Tofu
All over you all over me

So, that was a bucket of fun, right?

It would be fruitless to point out the most egregious moment in this fuckfest because the answer is THE ENTIRE THING.

Now, this is a blog which celebrates K-Pop idol beauty and they all happen to be Asian (big surprise). But there is a huge difference between espousing on pretty Asian girls (and guys) and fetishizing entire cultures whole cloth. Huge. Like Grand Canyon huge. The former more or less is problematic only as far as beauty’s intrinsic worth is problematic (and like most good things, putting too much emphasis on it can be a bad thing). The latter is problematic because it degrades and stereotypes entire nations, all of which have entirely different cultures, languages, and histories (and hell, most of them have hated each other at one point or another and the idea of Asia being a homogeneous place is laughable to the extreme).

Oh, and it’s creepy as fuck (17 or 23, it doesn’t matter to me? Uhhhhhhh).

Apparently, this was supposed to be funny or satirical or some shit like that if Levy Tran, the girl in this video, is to be believed:

The thing about race-based humor is that it is at once the lowest hanging fruit of comedy and the hardest topic to actually nail. There has to be actual observations or commentary on race for race-based humor to work outside of “List Your Most Obvious Racial Stereotypes” because otherwise it just comes off as a litany of racist rants. We can only judge the work, not the intentions. For every Chris Rock and Louis CK, there’s a Carlos Mencia or Michael Richards:

And Day Above Ground (the people behind “Asian Girlz”) is definitely more Michael Richards than they are Louis CK.

Sucks, because I am/was a pretty big fan of Levy Tran’s modeling (hell, I still follow her on instagram):

levy tran

levy tran twitter

Sigh, this whole thing just leaves me depressed. I can’t even really work up anger over this. Fuck everything.

11 comments

  1. omgee that was just…horrible! I wish I could take back that minute and a half of my life. I really don’t see the light-hardheartedness of this =\

    1. Yeah, it is objectively The Worst. Good job on getting through a minute and half though. Took me awhile to steel myself to reach that point.

  2. Gosh, I watched this yesterday and still don’t know what to say… but it probably doesn’t matter to them cause we all know how to do nails (explains why my nail polish always drips on the mother father carpet), are ninjas with ‘ninja pussies’ and do some type of Naruto shit down there, dress in cosplay and go to Anime conventions where people (otakus) have outfits that barely even cover their junk and all of course, speak like we’re FOBs (cause we’re all FOBs, ofc) and enjoy this shit of a video so much that we won’t open our mouths like we’ve been doing for the last 93274032974324720 years.
    Okay.

    1. I was honestly surprised there was no mention of bad driving, gambling or Hello Kitty. Might as well go for it all if you’re gonna do this.

  3. so only some racism and hate bothers you..so louis ck yelling retard is fine cause he is thinking man thinking but sticky rice wets your pants?..when you try to pick and choose..you lose…

    1. Believe it or not, people can be concerned about more than one subject at a time. Multi-tasking is a wonderful thing. Saying retard is wrong but you have to put it in context of the bit where Louis is also being a selfish dick (re-upping as a white, fully able bodied male because it’s clearly better) in order to highlight specific points about the ugliness of inequality.

      The Louis clip is good because it displays and highlights the historical context of race, it’s hegemonic structure and it’s lasting impact on society even as it is an “unreal” construct (never thought I’d ply some of my post-modern race theory education on this thing). Louis CK is no saint and doesn’t pretend to be otherwise (most of his comedy comes from a self-mocking/loathing view point), but the clip shows the difference between race-based humor with an ounce of thought and lazy stereotyping masquerading as “satire”.

  4. I saw this on Thought Catalog yesterday and at first it was funny, but then the guy started singing and I was like “What. The. Hell!” I really don’t know what they were planning to do with this, but it was slightly offensive (not me, but others might think so) and too racy. I hope this doesn’t go viral. People really shouldn’t waste their time watching this. 😛

    1. It’s a little late to hope this gets no exposure so the next best thing is to call it out for being horrible. But yes, people shouldn’t watch this except if they want to feel angry.

  5. Kpoptartsarebestpoptarts · · Reply

    Well, I watched the whole thing and I can’t seem to muster up a lot of outrage. As you said, racist humor is very tough to nail, and these guys missed by quite a bit. Some of it is indeed patently offensive. But I don’t get the sense that these guys were trying to be hurtful. They were just ham-fisted. With a few adjustments this might have actually been funny. Don’t get me wrong – I abhor stereotyping and racism, and I understand how people can be offended by a bunch of white guys implying that all people of Asian descent do nails and give happy endings. It’s wrong and stupid and more than anything it makes them look ignorant and foolish. But again, I don’t think these guys were trying to be hateful. So I’m not really angry with them. I just wish they had better writers.

    And there is a silver lining. I know now who Levy Tran is.

    1. Always a silver lining. Her photo shoots are gold and she seems to be a very sweet and cute young woman. Ugh, why’d she have to be in this.

    2. Pretty much had to follow her on all social stuff (twitter, instagram) after this:

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